This was a piece when I was in a different place, but is still relevant now:
I will not lie to you.
That would defeat the point.
You need to understand and only the truth can do that.However I have to protect myself.
I love you but I do not trust you. Not with something so precious.
Everything writing here is fact and time will reveal the actual person – me for I can’t stay hidden
I am not afraid of you knowing the truth about me; I would face you head on and damn the consequences because I am who I am.
But I can’t think of just myself: I have a love, family, friends, acquaintances, dependents, fellow citizens.
God has given me a big mission here on earth and I can’t have you make it more difficult because you are afraid or don’t understand.
You need to know the truth:
One of my names is Thomas and it is the most appropriate one to use because I gave it to myself.
It was the day of my confirmation and I picked Thomas the disciple, but also St. Thomas Aquinas, because why should you be named after only one saint;
one for my stubbornness (doubt) and one for my thoughts (imagination).
These traits culminate in my
creativity, quest for knowledge and desire to write.All other people will be described by their relationship to Thomas.
I am the last born of one those families with patterns (girl, boy, girl & boy).
“The Eldest” is one of the most
responsible and caring girls in the world. She is all heart with an iron will. She is such a natural mother that Uncle Thomas will have no problem dumping his little rugrats with
Then we have the one and only “Big Bro” who was both a nemesis and a best friend growing up but beyond that he is always your pitbull or guard dog. He sees all the dangers coming to you and will tear it apart. Loyal and instinctively insightful. However, don’t misunderstand he is always the alpha.He is not vain or arrogant but commands the attention he is due as leader of the pack.And the last of the siblings, is the closest.
The elder sister that is a medical miracle- The “Older Twin”
that was born more than a year earlier from different cells. The twin description should be sufficient but you need to know that I have never loved, envied, chased, imitated,
encouraged, competed or teased anyone as much as the “Older Twin”.
Now there is mum and dad who are living proof that opposites attract.
The smartest, most learned, compassionate, intuitive, instinctual, spiritual “igbo” hustler who also
happened to be the igbo version of a yoruba bad boy and
the proper, respectable, hard working, self sacrificing, independent, loving, logical, serene, committed, ministry (civil servant) doctor who did all the work for none of the credit.
I thank God I am a very brilliant combination of these two people and had the good fortune to grow up around this family, they are the main characters of my life.
But this story is not about the perfect family.It is about the imperfections.In the year 2009, this family, for want of a better word, was attacked (I prefer tested and molded, but spiritual attacks are a real thing).
That is how my dad would sum it up.Some may say spiritual attack, some natural.
I see it as being put in the fire to be reforged.I literally had just completed the semester from hell.
I was taking the maximum load of courses possible with three science classes and two labs (to make matters worse the labs were physics for physics majors and orangic chemistry)
As if that was not enough I had to experience every club and organization on campus before I ran out of time: Talk to the
Hand, Rugby, Manga club, Mafia Club, Snowboarding, Habitat for Humanity, Medieval Battle, Water Polo, Rock Climbing etcetera etcetera (if there was a club I had tried it) and this does
not even mention the academic groups.
It may have been possible with a health lifestyle but I basically survived on junk microwave
food, pulled all-nighters, sometimes just because, and started on my first college relationship (or should I say drama), which I bombed spectacularly because I had no time and energy to give her.
I know that I only survived that year for that long because of “My Girls”. These two girls from different countries and continents were my raft and lighthouse in the perfect storm leading me to the shore.
I remain humble and ever grateful…I owe my undergraduate degree to My Girls in particular, but honestly, that piece of paper was a team effort by my whole University towards the end.
Anyway June 2009, I was with the Older Twin supposedly reading for the MCAT and volunteering at a hospital… not. Signed up for both but did not go to a single session. Did not
even go out with my friends to explore D.C. or party.
So it should come at no surprise that when I went for my off-campus program in August of 2009, my brain had already broken.
I thought, “I AM INVINCIBLE,” like Buris in 007. I spent money impulsively, was marking on two ‘honeies’ like a ‘Gee’, and was planning my own talent
agency that would take over the world.
But other people could tell that something was wrong, afterall I had torn through my Older Twin’s apartment like a hurricane looking for stuff that needed to be in my apartment and travelled to 4 states in less than 48hrs for this same search.
I will not go through all the other signs of that episode (if I find the time I will tell you of my serenade at midnight with a saxophone or the reason why I punched the priest after service on Sunday), but I was
diagnosed as bipolar with delusions of grandeur:
(I am great. It is a fact. Thank you very
much for noticing).
However, this was only the beginning…I have put my family through 3 more major mania
episodes and a slew of depression periods. It has taking me a long time to grieve for the Thomas I thought I was and accept the Thomas I am (work in progress).
This is my reality. Being bipolar is a condition that is both a strength and a weakness.I am coming to terms with it. I do not require anything from you persay but if you interact with me, you need to understand that it is your reality as well.
“You either live with it or learn from it. “ said Rafiki.