Due to my own insecurities, optimistic attitude and openness to other people’s influence and way of thinking, I have always thought people are taking advantage of me.
The group that I felt had gotten the most of blood for little effort are my ex-girlfriends. Not all of them obviously but I have showered a lot of blessings. Even had a relationship were I paid monthly stipend.
I think most of it is my immaturity but I used to think that the best way to express love to your significant other was gifts, trips, solving their financial problems and providing for their needs etc.
Therefore, whether I had the money or not, I always provided for my girls. And it when more than an inability to say no. Some times I offered first just because I couldn’t afford to see them in despair or as a way to impress or make happy.
So at the end of this relationships there is always some resentment even if the relationship failed due to my actions and a strong desire to recover losses (lol I am a finance guy after all). This is why I say financial disciple is the heart and soul of financial literacy.
In fact, this believe made me so jaded towards relationship and my ideals that I went through a very wild phase. After all, you are paying for it someway.
However, recently I have working on improving my self. Which involves cleaning out all the negative energies, thoughts and feelings I have been carrying as baggage.
So in my self reflection, I have realised I have to forgive myself for my naivety and overeagerness. I forgive myself my desperate need for validation in a relationship as a provider. I shed the resentment for the people who have borrowed or extorted or tricked money from me, and acknowledge some of them must have done it out of desperation while others may’ve been through such dark places they can’t recognise the light.
This is just one aspect of my life I have been mediating and reaffirming to forgive myself. There is also my disappointment with my performance in university and work, my obsession with media to the detriment to my goals, some burnt bridges and spoilt relationships due to inattention.
Forgiveness is letting go.
It is freeing and uplifting. It is acknowledging the past is gone and beyond your influence. It is learning that corrections should be made for mistakes but do not fixate on the wrongs.
And it is by first forgiving yourself for your own involvement can you forgive others.
Finally, based on belief, when we forgive ourselves and others we release positive aura and attract positive energy from those people. Being freed from the extra load we were carrying we see we have more energy and willpower. We become the biblical lamps at the top of the hill, seen and radiating for all.